Baseball in rebuttal

By Michael Jones

I fully understand those who plan to stay away from PNC Park this year, and I don’t blame them. The thought of another dollar going into Bob Nutting’s pocket makes many Pirates fans cringe, but the man still will make millions regardless if we attend a few games or take our proverbial ball and go home. PNC Park is still a bargain since the $9 cheap seats are about the same price as an evening out at the movie. And wouldn’t you rather spend a night outdoors rather than inside a cramped and dark theater? So I have devised a plan over the years to limit the revenue streaming into Nutting’s coffers.

The easiest way to save a few bucks is to refuse to buy concessions at the game. That $8 beer and $5 hot dog are not conducive in a recession, so I instead go to Primanti’s in Market Square for a Capicola on rye while splitting a pitcher of Yuengling with friends.

Before walking across the Clemente Bridge, I’ll buy a bag of $2 peanuts and a $1 water bottle to hold me over while inside the stadium. Still without tickets, I go to the gate and purchase a $9 nosebleed seat I’ll never use and maybe flash my former WVU student ID card for an additional discount. I always buy my tickets at the gate rather than get raided by Ticketmaster and its ridiculous surcharges.

This is where things get interesting because I have no intentions of sitting in Section 399. By June, the Pirates will suck as usual, meaning there are at least 20,000 open seats from which to choose. Just stroll down to the lower deck and find a seat with a clustered population, because the ushers usually don’t check your stub if you can slip in behind other fans and blend into the crowd. At a game against St. Louis a few years ago, my father and I made our way to an open section near third base, only to be escorted out by an usher during the national anthem. But we found even better seats on the first-base side after a five-minute walk around the concourse. The key, that time, was moving into a populated section where we could hide.

Maybe this is stealing. But I think the reign of Bob Nutting (among others) has stolen more from us the past 16 years. I think the Pirates owe me a discounted seat every once in a while, don’t you?